Gleecap: I'm All Shook Up

It had been a few weeks, but now that all those teams are finished with their Final Fouring or whatever it was that took so long, Glee was finally back tonight. 

The episode started like so many had recently… minus the school violence PSA flashed across a black screen. Despite the warning, I still had no idea the direction that this episode was going to go.

Brittany began with some typical non-sensical Brittany chatter about rocks falling from the sky. She was unclear on the kind, but she had a vision- a little out there, but I guess not totally wrong- that the Gleeks were doomed. For a minute I thought we were going to lose our dear Lord Tubbington, but instead there was just a weird séance in an attempt to gain his respect back.

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Next they cut to a empty hallway shot of Mr. Schuester and for a moment I got scared that this was the part that was going to "address school violence." Although I’m sure Will would have been protected by his helmet hair. Instead, he was on his way to meet Coach Beiste for a weirdly romantic locker room date, where she admitted she had feelings for him and he promptly dashed her dreams by revealing he was back with Emma …which I sort of assumed everyone knew.

Ryder finally heard from his internet date, who at this point I couldn’t decide if it was someone in Glee club or a man. Or both. They agreed to meet, which you could immediately was not going to be a happy ending.

Brit Brit then informed everyone of what they knew all along and that her bogus asteroid/comet/meteor wasn’t real. The best thing to come out of this entire mess was a touching scene between Becky and Brittany, in which she admitted she was afraid to leave high school. Who knew these two had such a bond?

After the commercial, Schu attempted to amend things with Beiste the only way he knew how. In song! But the musical was cut short when in a horrifying moment, shots rang out in the once harmonious hallways. And it continued, for many, many terrifying minutes and we didn’t know what was happening or where some our favorite characters were. Except Brittany, who was hiding in the bathroom. Alone. And Tina, who never ever gets to be a part of the group, not even when it’s something awful happening. Will remained the amazing leader we knew him to be and kept the kids from losing their shit and also rescued Brittany and some Cheeriors and a confused boy from the girls bathroom. How he snuck out I have no idea. And all the while, that damn metrinome just kept ticking and ticking and ticking. It felt like hours.

After the only commercial break I have ever silently begged for, we saw a new McKinley High, one filled with metal detectors and SWAT teams. I take back everything I said about all those awful “Guilty Pleasure” songs last week. Well almost everything. That Wham number was truly terrible.

In a weird twist, Sue admitted that it was her gun that just “went off,” which I never bought for a minute. Something just seemed weird. She turned herself into Principal Figgins and in a very un-Sue like way, took her zero tolerance punishment in stride.

Ryder continued his frantic search for his imaginary girlfriend. Blaine and Tina continued to hag out on each other. Schu very invasively opened up an online dating profile for Beiste. A lot of people that used to have crushes on each other threw around the "love" word a lot, which made me a little apprehensive.

Mr Schuester saw through Sue just like the rest of us, and we learned that it was her number one favorite Cheerio Becky that brought her dad’s gun to school and accidentally shot it off in Sue’s office. Sue took the fall to protect to her and quietly left WMHS for what could potentially be the last time? I mean, there’s just no way to know.

In a not-so-shocking turn of events, we never did find out the true identity of “Katie,” as Ryder got stood up while the rest of the Glee kids sang John Mayer directly in each other’s faces on these weird inverted bleachers that somehow showed up in the auditorium.

I totally get the staying on top of current events, and after a few too many episodes with fluffy faux teenage issues (your biggest problem is you have a secret obsession with the Spice Girls?), this definitely hit home. I’m sure some people will say it’s too soon, but that wasn’t really the problem for me. My issue was that it was a whole lot of intensity for a show that I like to watch purely for its entertainment value. There was no escaping tonight. I understand that sometimes, television can be a teaching tool or prompt a quality discussion about the state of the world we live in. But it’s also to help you forget about some of the seriousness in your own life, which is clearly why I watch Bravo and not like Homeland or something. I can even tell you what songs they sang tonight. I don’t even remember.

I don’t know how next week will pick up from here, but judging from the previews, I’m excited to see some old friends again like Puck and Finn (who we need to get our fix of, because he’ll soon be MIA due to his stay at a “spa”) and to see if Rachel can fulfill her life long dream of making it to Broadway. And let’s face it, after this week’s episode, couldn’t we all use a little dose of Lea Michele + Funny Girl?

Stay safe, kiddos.

~L