Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Pick A Little

Steve and I went apple picking yesterday. I know, thrilling stuff, right? 

I haven't gone apple picking in years. Mainly because I barely eat healthy food that I can buy from a grocery store, let alone having to traipse around outside and gather it for myself like some sort of early settler. 

But it's fall in New England, and this is just one of the things you're supposed to do. Plus for the first time in weeks, we actually had a day off together. For all of you out there with normal schedules (or "real" jobs, as Steve calls them), it's probably no big deal for you and your husband/life partner/cat to carve out some quality time to spend together. For us, it's slightly more difficult due to our unconventional schedules, hence why we often eat dinner at 9:30 pm. 

Mondays are our Sundays, in that we can usually swing being off together and doing errands and grocery type things. Correction: Steve goes to the grocery store on Monday and I sleep in until he comes home and so rudely wakes me. But this is also the day where we do couple things, like go to the gym together. Okay, so that's not normal either. But I did go with him yesterday, which was a mistake because he made me do level four on the elliptical. LEVEL FOUR. 

After this, the plan was to go apple picking at Steve's beloved childhood farm Tougas in Northborough. And by that I mean he went there as a child, not that he used to live on a farm. Ew. But since this was our only day off together, we had to do other less fun grown up things too- like look at mattresses. Yep. Lindsay and Steve's Apple Picking/Mattress Buying Day of Fun. 

So we headed off to his beloved Tougas. I had obviously dressed for the occasion with the perfect ensemble for a crisp fall day. Or at least, what I thought was perfect. 

Steve: What are you wearing?
Me: This is my apple picking outfit. Well, apple picking or if I was going to sit in a ski lodge. I would have to change the boots though. 
Steve: Okay, you are inappropriately dressed for BOTH OF THOSE THINGS. 
Me: What am I supposed to wear?
Steve: I don't know... SNEAKERS?!
Me: Ick. 

BTW, there was a slight pit stop on the way to the farm because we realized that my car was overdue for an inspection. Whoopsie. We all know what happened last time I let that one go.  Apparently, I looked slightly out of place at the local body shop.

Steve: You look so inner city right now.
Me: Okay I really hope you mean "city." 
Steve: Whatever, you don't belong here.
Me: I KNOW. 

By this point it was almost three o'clock. But it didn't matter! Because even if it killed us, we were going to pick those damn apples. As we drove up to the farm, with rows of apple trees lining the quaint New England windy roads, we envisioned all the amazing things we'd do with our foraging. Well, Steve envisioned and I crushed all of his dreams. He had to think outside the box because he already knew of my disdain for apple pie (I KNOW, I'm horrible, stop reminding me). 

Steve: I could make apple crisp.
Me: Eh, I don't really like soggy apples. 
Steve: If you make it right, they're not soggy.
Me: Okay, then I don't like cooked apples. I don't like chunks of cooked apples in things that are supposed to be dessert. 
Steve: Well then, excuse my language, but you are just shit out of luck. Your mouth is not a fun place.
Me (the most offended I've ever been): WHAT?!
Steve: I'm sorry, but for the person you are, your taste buds are bland. You like plain cupcakes-
Me: Classic.
Steve: Plain. You like brownies, and that's it. Oh wait, you like the worst frosting in the world- fondant. No one likes the taste of fondant. Your palate is BORING. 

Of course, after that exchange, I was determined to be a fun person to do things with. I was going to frolic around that damn orchard with the best of them. I was going to look fabulous while picking apples that I was going to eat uncooked right off the core. It was going to be the best fall day he's ever had in his twenty seven years on this earth.

Until we got to the farm and found out it was closed. 

Yep. You know our Sunday? No matter what way you slice it, it's still Monday. And they're open Tuesday-Sunday. 

It was soul-crushing. 

We sulked a little while around their farmstand and ate our emotions in the form of homemade sandwiches and apple cider donuts. I took the opportunity to take pictures of at least some fall paraphernalia because I knew that by the time we had another day off together, there would probably be snow on the ground. Which could technically be October, but still. 

Instead of crying in the parking lot or just stealing apples off of the closest trees to the road (both of which I considered in my inner emotional meltdown), Steve used the powers of technology and some website that he found that helps you find where you can pick things. I'm serious- this is how he found the Christmas tree farm. And we all know how that turned out

The closest place was Honeypot Hill Orchards in Stow. So there we went. And it was glorious. Mainly because they let us in. 

You have to decide when you walk in how many apples you're going to pick. If they would let you choose like four I'd be all over it.

There's two of us, so the obvious choice is...

Sixty mother-effin apples. And a few pears for good measure (I don't eat those either). 

Did I mention that Steve is allergic to red apples? 

But why let that spoil the fun?

Know what does spoil the fun? All the cautionary signage warning us about the dangers of careless apple picking. 

i could use a double alright.

I let Steve do most of the apple handling. But I helped too.

Did I say help? I meant pose for pictures in my poncho sweater with as many props as I could find. 


hey look what I found.

Actually I did pick something: 

Yep. All me. 

All in all, it was a really great day. Even though Steve refused to buy me a caramel apple. He thinks paying for a single apple on a stick covered in delicious caramel is ridiculous after he's already lugged sixty apples around an orchard for an hour that were already ours. What a weirdo. 

a happy weirdo.

and we did.

If you don't hear from me in a while, it's because I'm drowning in applesauce. Which I also don't like.


Friday, September 21, 2012

FF: Smells Like Team Spirit

The theme for Friday's Fancies this week is all about showing off your team colors. Okay, so technically the theme was football focused, but I chose to interpret it a little more loosely. 

You see, I don't really watch football. Correction: I never watch football. Unless there's a star studded halftime show. If I was held at gunpoint, of course I would choose the Patriots, but everyone knows that the home I live in is a hockey home, and that's it. Over the past seven years, I feel like I have embraced this lifestyle, especially with my wardrobe (see here and here for proof). In light of recent events in the National Hockey League (or lack thereof), Bruins fans everywhere are thisclose to suffering from withdrawals- and the season wouldn't have even started by now! 

So what better way to deal with the lockout blues than to create fictional outfits that are inspired by that very team? Well I'm sure that's not how most fans are handling it, but sometimes pretend retail therapy works just as well as actual therapy. 


I know what you're thinking. When I first saw them I was like holy hell, why on earth would someone do that to a pair of pants?! But the more I searched around for more subdued B's inspired pieces, I realized that if you're going to declare yourself a fan, this is the way to do it and they started to grow on me. I mean, people show up to games in unitards. It really doesn't get that much more unstylish than that. Why not go all out with one kuh-razy leg?! 

Since the weather is cooling down and hockey games force you to sit in the cold inside, this varsity jacket is the perfect cover up. Normally, this is totally not my style but I've been seeing them pop up all over magazines and fashion blogs lately. Of course, the chic way to sport this style of outerwear is with a pointy pair of ankle booties, which I am not even going to pretend are Garden appropriate (although it wouldn't be the first time I saw some overdressed chick in there just trying to get guys to think that she actually likes the sport- and I am only allowed to say that because I am a reformed member myself). 

This satchel is the ultimate bag for stadium seating because it's not too big. Plus, the cross-body style keeps your hands free for important things, like cheering or nachos. It also prevents any expensive-bag-to-sticky-floor-contact. 

I always try to bring a hat or ear muffs to cover my cold cold head, but I like this slouchy hat that keeps the ensemble from looking too done up. Real fans don't try so hard, so a perfectly styled do is more of a don't when it comes to sports. But of course, you need a little logo in there somewhere, which is why I always finish off my athletic apparel with a tiny pair of B's earring (I actually own two pairs of these in different sizes, you know, depending on the occasion). 

If this is all too much for you, you could always go for a tasteful team mani:

i know what you're thinking, and no, this was not for my wedding day.

GO B's!!!!!! (I mean it. I actually miss you.) 


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Falling Slowly Into TV

Ah, fall. Crisp leaves, warm apple cider. Prancing up and down rows of apple trees.

At least, that's what I hear goes on outside come September. I wouldn't know anything about that. Because...


That's like t-shirt time, but with less orange residue.

In all seriousness, I am so excited for fall television. I can't wait to see my old friends (missed you, Schmidt) and meet someone new ones (hello, Mindy!) and prepare to say goodbye (I understand it's time, but I'm still coming to terms with not seeing my pals at Dunder Mifflin every week). Yes, I know the weather is perfect outside. I know that normal people are tailgating at football games (ick), baking pies (which I did once and was promptly crushed when Steve "accidentally" dropped the Pyrex dish in the parking lot and DESTROYED it) and I don't know... hiking, or something? Sorry, that's just not my style. Yes, I know I'm dead inside. 

But seriously, I'm facing a moral and ethical dilemma. And by moral and ethical, I mean I need to somehow convince Comcast that I need more storage space on my DVR than the average person. Since their customer service representatives are clearly impervious to crying, screaming and other emotional reactions, I guess I'm going to have to be slightly sneaking in my show scheduling. 

don't worry, claire. we'll do this together.

Armed with my latest copy of Entertainment Weekly, I decided that the first step to solving all of my #firstworldproblem was to get organized. This is something I hear that people do with important things in their life, like bill paying. I went through and made a list of all the shows I knew I would want to see. And there were twenty four

I know what you're thinking. Lindsay, that's crazy. No sane person can watch that much television and lead a normal life. Well that was your first mistake because I am clearly not not crazy and barely anything I do can be regarded as normal. I work in retail. When you're off on a Tuesday and the rest of the world is working, "accidentally" watching TV for eight hours doesn't seem so pathetic... until I see it written out... just now. 

Anyway, here is my list of shows that I am going to give my life to this year. Because you really care. Also because writing it out helps my brain to start to wrap around how I can make this work. This is basically the closest I will come to performing a mathematical equation. 

8:00 How I Met Your Mother (CBS 9.24) So I haven't really ever been a regular viewer of this show, mainly because I started late and in no particular order have been catching up on syndicated reruns. But I did manage to catch the finale last year, mainly because I wanted to see the birth of Marshall and Lily's baby. But now I've been reading that there's a possibility this could be the last season, and of course now I have to know who the mother is. 
8:30 Partners (CBS 9.24) NEW Please just read the premise of this show and try to tell me that it's not the story of Steve and each and every one of his gay friends. 
8:00 The Voice (NBC 9.10) If you can believe it, Steve and I actually watch this show together. So it stays. Plus I still just cannot get over the brilliance of a red spinning chair.
9:00 Two Broke Girls (CBS 9.24) Again, not a regular watcher. Just kind of catching up when I can. This one may have to wait until reruns due to the many hours of The Voice blind auditions. 
9:00 Gossip Girl (The CW 10.8) I know this show is clearly not what it used to be. But again, final season here. And other than that whore Vanessa, the original cast is still intact. I don't know what I'll do with myself if this series does not end with a Blair and Chuck wedding.

8:00 Raising Hope (Fox 10.2) I started watching this show because my mom couldn't stop raving about the cute baby that played Hope. Steve and I both got hooked and I've even bought him some of the t-shirts Jimmy is seen wearing on the show. Good times. 
8:00 The Voice (NBC 9.10) I don't understand why this is necessary, but I'm there. 
9:00 New Girl (Fox 9.25) I literally cannot wait for this show to start again. Steve and I have been talking about it all summer. Well, I've been talking about it and occasionally he remembers that it was funny. I am actually almost over the "Girl" because I'm so obsessed with the guys on this show. I.CANNOT.WAIT.
9:00 Happy Endings (ABC 10.23) We love this one too. Wow. I'm surprised by us. 
9:30 The Mindy Project (Fox 9.25) NEW If you're the type of girl that read Mindy Kaling's book, you've obviously been waiting for this one. I love that it's a show about a crazy girl that also happens to be a gynecologist. Remember when they couldn't even say the word "period" in tampon commercials? Oh, how far we've come. 
9:30 Don't Trust the B in Apt. 23 (ABC 10.23) Steve thinks I should let this one go. I think that anyone that watches My Deadliest Dirty Picking Job in the Yukon Swamp People Under the Bering Sea Survival Guide isn't really in a position to make suggestions.
9:30 The New Normal (NBC 9.10) NEW So this show is going to be on Tuesdays but the pilot is getting the amazing lead in of The Voice this Monday. I know, confusing. Don't worry, we'll figure this out together. I'm still devastated that Glee is moving to Thursdays (more on that later) so this is going to have to fill my Tuesday Ryan Murphy void. Also I'm afraid of American Horror Story so there will be none of that. 

8:00 The X Factor (Fox 9.12) One word: Britney. I am not even pretending that I remotely care about any of the contestants on this show or Simon Cowell for that matter. I am all in this for Miss Spears and whatever crazy she brings to the judges table. Which I hope is a lot
8:30 Guys with Kids (NBC 9.12) This one also just looks cute. I miss sitcoms. 
9:00 Modern Family (ABC 9.26) DUH. 

8:00 30 Rock (NBC 10.4) I cannot believe this isn't coming back until October. Also in its last season, I'm hoping that we'll find out early on whether or not Liz is going to get that... plant after all. 
8:00 The X Factor Results Show (Fox 9.12) Ugh. These are so dumb. Hopefully I won't have any emotional ties to any of the contestants so that it's unnecessary for me to watch all of these. 
9:00 The Office (NBC 9.20) I know that it hasn't been the same since Michael Scott left, but after the announcement that this will be their final season, I know that I absolutely have to see how it ends. And how they fill the void left by Kelly Kapor. 
9:00 Glee (Fox 9.13) Let me just start off by saying that I'm a little bit mad at them for moving to Thursdays. Thursday is my most stressful TV day to begin with, and now I have to rearrange everything to make room for New Directions. And no, I don't know what they're going to do to work in everyone now that half the cast has graduated. As much as I would like to be bitchy girlfriends with Ryan Murphy, I can't even pretend that I understand how they're going to make this work, and yet people keep asking me as if I am one of the writers myself. Which I have to admit, is flattering. All I know is that every cast member is in the new promo photos so no one appears to have jumped ship yet. Whether it works is to be determined, but I'm sure I will never stop believing.
9:00 Grey's Anatomy (ABC 9.27) I know this show is ridiculous. But every year they keep me hooked. What could have topped the hostage situation in the hospital last year? Oh nothing, just LOSING ALMOST EVERY SURGEON IN THE WILDERNESS AFTER A PLANE CRASH. No biggie. Lexie bit it before the credits rolled and I've heard Mark is dunzo after just a few episodes. Throw in half a million of the rarest diseases that for some reason are all treated in this one hospital and McDreamy's killer hair and I'm done for. 
9:30 Parks and Recreation (NBC 9.20) This is one of my favorite shows if only because it is a Cinderella story. No one expected it to last and here's Leslie Knope, President of the United States! Okay, she's actually some sort of elected government official, but still, if it survived its first season, who knows how far we can take this?!
10:00 Jersey Shore (MTV 10.4) Again, final season. I will shed a single tan-streaking tear when I have to bid farewell to these juiceheads. 

8:00 Whitney (NBC 10.19) Please don't throw things at me. I am fully owning that I am one of the few people that actually likes this show, and I was excited when they announced it was coming back, but felt I had to keep it to myself for fear of mockery from fellow pop culture junkies. Steve actually likes it too, but claims he doesn't like her. It's so weird that he has some connection with the monotone straight man that has somehow been tricked into dealing with some crazy chick for the rest of his life. 
8:00 America's Next Top Model (The CW already started) I mean, c'mon. I can't give up on Tyra and her smizing. And the booty tooching. And making your own wind, which sounds like farting, but it's actually a very legitimate skill in the modeling world. 
8:30 Community (NBC 10.19) Oh God, I'm nervous about this one. When I first heard that this was being moved to Fridays, I was horrified. Friday is basically where TV shows go to die. I get that Community still hasn't totally caught on mainstream, but I just cannot stand the thought of it ending so soon just because people don't get it/can't find it/are confused why these people haven't graduated yet. If you've never watched this show, you have to. Specifically for these four episodes: Paintball (both parts), Dungeons and Dragons, the Spaceship, and the Pen. This year is starting with a Hunger Games tribute. I dare you to try to convince me that it won't be genius. 

11:30 Saturday Night Live (NBC 9.15) I'm a little underwhelmed so far, only because Seth MacFarlane is slotted as the first host, and I must be the only person in the world that hates everything he touches. However I am excited for the extra prime time election specials they'll have this fall, which I'm sure will interfere with something I'm already recording. 

Now keep in mind, this is excluding all the crappy I Didn't Know I was a Teen Mom Pregnant with a Honey Boo Boo Child Kardashian Housewife of a Bridezilla Dance Mom that I find horrifyingly irresistible. So it's going to be tight. 

Priorities, people. Priorities. 


Friday, September 7, 2012

FF: The Girl with the Mustard Pants

Friday's Fancies are back!

Well they've always been there. I just fell off the wagon for a month. But we meet again.

I guess it's no secret by now that the back to school outfits of my day could have used a little bit of... polishing, shall we say. Of course now that I am older, wiser and five years past my last actual first day of school I can actually look back objectively on my ensembles and realize that nobody under the age of eighteen that has to wake up before 6:00 am should be given the authority to make such important life decisions. If I could do it all over again or if I was 21 Jump Streeting it, this is what I would rock this time around:


I can't believe summer has come and gone and I still don't own a pair of colored jeans. Well I can, because the accountant doesn't deem these a worthy purchase when we need to be able to afford food and stuff. I was afraid that this would only be a warm weather trend, but I could see these mustard hued pants make the transition into fall. 

I have also been on a hunt for almost a year now for the perfect navy blazer. Now I'm fully aware that there are probably four of them just sitting in the mall that I work at, waiting to be discovered, but you have to understand when I say "on the hunt" I mean "finding the cheapest one possible that also fits." I even caved at one point and bought one at Sears but I was so distracted by the less that $20 price tag that I never noticed that IT DIDN'T EVEN HAVE BUTTONS. Also it appears to be made of linen. 

I am so torn over this smoking slipper thing. I feel really behind now because I remember seeing leopard ones pop up at the beginning of the summer, but like skinny jeans I was like "psh that is ridiculous" and pretended that they weren't going to happen. Well it seems they did, and now I'm torn if I should just give in and get a pair or if the fact that it's been four months since they first hit the scene that our time together would be awfully limited. In that case, you can't go wrong with a pair from Target for a cool $20. If nothing else I could still wear them as actual slippers some day. 

I know that the world is all iPad/iPhone/Computer savvy now, but in my former school days my favorite thing to purchase for the new academic year was a planner. I was very particular, as I only liked the one that had a month calendar listing and daily slots as well. I used to search high and low for the perfect one, of course then I could not swing, nor can I now, a $200 designer version, but hey, FF is all about lusting over things that you wish you could have. 

I know that chambray shirts were everywhere this summer, but I love the refresh here with the polka dots. I have been seeing this top all over the blogosphere because it's available at one certain retailer for an amount I can only compare to my car payment, and then Old Navy was like "haha suckers!" and gave us this for $24.99. It's already sold out in the smaller sizes online, so I'm thinking that I may have to start stalking my local stores to pic this up. I can't already tell that I'll suffer from un-buyer's remorse if I don't get this thing. 

And of course, Bauble Bar. I know the yellow bib necklace is a little matchy with the pants, but in my middle and high school days, that was what I thought style was all about.

If you have six hours to bum around on the Internet, don't forget to check out everyone else's back to school inspired ensembles!


Thursday, September 6, 2012

I Think I Wanna Marry You

I met Jenna & Tony through a coworker that grew up with Jenna. After emailing back and forth for what seemed like forever, we finally met for the first time on the day of their engagement shoot. Despite all the weddings I have photographed over the years, this was actually my first e-session! I could not have had a better couple to photograph. Both Jenna and Tony were so sweet and totally photogenic. They were up for whatever, and we spent quite a bit of time exploring the River Bend Farm in Uxbridge. After spending time with them and going through all their photos I am so excited to do their wedding next September. Here are a few of my personal favorites from our e-session. It was difficult to choose because they're just so darn gorgeous together.

Thank you so much for being such great sports and for choosing me to capture your day! Can't wait for the wedding!


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Prove to Mom I'm Not a Fool

Ah, September. As I have learned this past week from everyone and their mother posting pictures of children in their first day of school garb on Facebook (literally, I'm talking about everyone's mothers), school is in session. 

These poor kids nowadays. Children that are seven and under on this present day are literally going to grow up on Facebook. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it's slightly unfortunate for them that they won't be able to control which horrible fashion choices of theirs (or their parents) remain in the Internet universe forever and ever. 

I'm lucky enough that I didn't (or couldn't, I guess) join Facebook until I was twenty, therefore, only a quarter of my embarrassing life choices are represented on the World Wide Web (are people still saying that? See? Embarrassing). 

However, I am a blogger, and therefore an open book/attention whore, and after seeing all of these kids prancing off to the bus in their their BTS getups, I was inspired to take a trip down memory lane, also known as... The School Book. 

the sheer size of it will sprain your fingers,
which if you read on, is most likely an injury
i have sustained.

I guess when people have children they record their every move and capture it in a spiral bound book courtesy of their local Hallmark store that sits on a shelf until the pain of adolescence is long since past that they can look back on such memories and laugh. I get that normal people probably have passages in their school books like:

"Sally got all A's this year! We are so proud!"

"Timmy learned to play the recorder in Music this year. His favorite song is Hot Crossed Buns."

While there is a fair share of that my personal academic memoir, I noticed that under the "Special Memories" category that there are many years of memories that I wouldn't exactly look back on as "special." I swear to good I am not making any of this up or elaborating. Note my comments in italics. 

Preschool: "Had her first fight with 'best friend' Erin (ouch. I don't really remember poor Erin, but how embarrassing to be given the best friend title but only within quotation marks?). Wanted to sit next to her but she wanted to sit next to her mother (wow. What an exciting friend she must have been). Cried so hard you fell asleep."

Grade 1: "Lindsay fell in Gym class on May 27th (thank you for the accurate timekeeping. Is the exact date of your first broken bone an anniversary worth celebrating in the future?) and broke her collarbone (whoops- sorry for giving away the punchline. It gets better) and had to wear a sling for a few weeks. She went back to keyboard lessons (not piano, because you know, that's too classy) the next week and dance class but then came down with chicken pox on June 6th (againSO SPECIFIC), the day of the recital and had to miss is. Through it all she was a real trooper."

Grade 2: 

(It's blank. I mean, how could I have even topped all of the "special memories" from year one?)

Grade 5: 

(Apparently words were unnecessary and an entire year's worth of memories could be summed up with a single handbell choir photo. Although if there were any room left to write, it should have also listed "being really really cool.")

I'm sure all of you can think of your own version of this photo or this book that you secretly thank the Baby Jesus is only stored in paper form at your parent's house. Now just imagine if all this embarrassing information and photos were captured on social media site for all of eternity. That's what's going to happen to your kids someday. Someday they'll be sitting at a job interview and the HR person will be looking over their resume and background check, saying things like "now I see here that you graduated from Plymouth State and you were the Features Editor for the school newspaper. That's all fine but can you explain the thinking behind this purple plaid pantsuit that you wore on your first day of second grade?!"

Okay, so maybe it won't go exactly like that. But you get the idea. 

In an effort to let all children know (especially the awkward ones) that "it gets better," I have chosen to share a few of my own personal gems. And that purple pantsuit? It happened. 

Grade 2:

Oh.my.god. I don't even know where to start. Even for 1992, this is one loud pantsuit. Also, I'm seven. Head to toe plaid is difficult to pull off at any age, and the flaming eggplant hue certainly doesn't scream "hey kids! I'm just like you, blending in, hanging out. You know, normal playground stuff. Let's share a carton of chocolate milk." Also, if there's anything I've learned from the real life school of Stacy and Clinton, it's that your accessories shouldn't "match" but "go." Cause if there's anything this outfit needed, it was an additional dose of purple. Speaking of accessories, I don't know how the beaded Little Mermaid headband got thrown into the mix, but I can tell you it's definitely not doing it's job of helping to grow out my bangs. 

Grade 3:

Again, with the plaid. I cannot believe I even chose the same pattern two years in a row. That is so unlike me. Obviously we got somewhere with the bangs, but the only thing that is really going for me here is a sweet tan. I don't know if you can tell, but upon further examination of this photo I discovered that despite the life path I chose, I was obviously meant to be a gangster. The abbreviation on my shirt reads "NKA," which for those of you who aren't down with my homies from Derry, NH, stands for Not a Kid Anymore (apparently, I was going for irony). It also featured additional bad ass phrases like "Traditional Grunge" (an oxymoron, perhaps?) and "Word to Your Mother." Hide yo kids, hide yo wives.

Grade 4:

Okay, so this is not an actual first day of school photo. It's actually better than that because this is clearly where I discovered my love for fashion among the elite chosen (cough, cough entered by my parents) to model for the local Walmart fashion show. Notice how they artfully constructed a runway in the middle of what was most likely the electronics department. Not to brag or anything, but this obviously requires a natural air of confidence (exhibited by my eyes planted firmly on the floor) and a killer walk (I mean, have you ever seen Gisele work it down a runway comprised entirely of Oriental rugs? Didn't think so). I would also like to point out that I chose this outfit, despite the fact that it is exactly the opposite of what children want to wear because it's practically a Catholic school uniform. 

Grade 5:

This is the year I finally started to grasp the concept of trends (or just convinced my mom to buy me something that was actually considered cool). I mean this was the year Blossom went off the air, so I had to work that hat as long as I possibly could. I'm not sure where the denim shapeless dress came from. It would have been cute had it been taken in about seven inches in the waist area. And ironed. Not that you can tell here, but I weigh all of seventy pounds (that's an official School Book recorded weigh in). It may as well have been seven hundred pounds. Also I think those shoes doubled as my footwear for my Kirsten Halloween costume. 

Grade 9:

I hope you all understand what just happened here. I have just shown you the worst first day of school photo I've ever taken and you are promising not to show this to anyone because we are friends, okay? *virtual pinky swear*

I can't even list all of the things that are wrong with this photo. 

Actually I can, but I have to limit myself to only six because we could be here all night.

1. The reason this jacket is too big is not just because I weigh less than one hundred pounds soaking wet. It's because it's my dad's jacket from the 70's and I thought I was wearing something "vintage."
2. I am carrying a backpack and a purse. Because when you're fourteen you have a lot of important things to carry. 
3. You can't see it, but my jeans are from Ames and feature white embroidery along the bottom of the legs. I can see you're jealous.
4. I didn't get my braces off until I was a sophomore. For some reason they disguised that I do in fact have an upper lip.
5. I brought a picture of Christina Aguilera to my hairdresser and said "make me look like this." Clearly, it worked. Twinsies!
6. This is my version of a middle part. Somehow I didn't notice until I was in college that I had a cowlick that like Miley Cyrus, couldn't be tamed. I have highlighted this with jeweled bobby pins that only exacerbate the unevenness that is this haircut. Correction: layered

So there you have it, folks. I was not always the fashionista I pretend I am today. But it just goes to show you that how you are in school is not how you are destined to be for the rest of your life, which is a concept that is way beyond your thinking at any of those ages. That poorly dressed little girl had no idea what she was doing wrong because she didn't care- she was actually excited to learn and read and dream about what she would become. I think that despite the circumstances, we turned out okay. 

Except for our shoe size. Those things are still ridiculous.