Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I Put a Spell on You

I love Halloween. It's always been tied with the Fourth of July as my favorite holiday. It's no secret I love anything that requires a lot of effort for a single ensemble, so I think that explains our love affair. 

I happen to be married to someone who hates Halloween. In high school, I remember I used to get so upset that I didn't have a boyfriend because I never had someone to dress up as some sort of "couple" costume with. My mom always used to make fun of me because she said most girls wanted boyfriends for Valentine's Day. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OUTFITS, PEOPLE. So needless to say, the past few years have been very tame when it comes to costuming. 

In his defense, last year there was a freakin snowstorm. And there's already been a hurricane this year, so needless to say, I haven't dressed up since 2010. But in the spirit of All Hallows Eve, I have been reminiscing over some of my costumes from the past few years or so. Unfortunately I didn't plan ahead so I don't have any pictures that are from the pre-digital age. Those will probably have to wait until next year.

However, compliments of my mom's Facebook profile picture, we do have this one gem:


That's right- those are matching cross-stitched pumpkin sweaters. You can't see mine, but trust me, it's there. 


Ahh, college. Finally you can dress up like a whore for Halloween and you don't have to hide it from your parents under a long coat before you go out. Except I actually wore this costume my senior year of high school as well, and I think the only reason I got away with it is because my friend Ryan went with me as Hugh Heffner. If you even have to wonder why I chose this as my costume, then you have obviously never seen Legally Blonde. Also I attempted to make those marabou edged gloves myself. As you can see, sewing is not one of my areas of expertise, hence why I usually purchase costume pieces vs. actually making anything.  


As you will see in many photos, my costume choices are often inspired by current pop culture references. Well, except this one. Because that whole Britney/Madonna VMA kiss was actually the year before, so no one knew who I was. By the end of the night I stopped telling people I was Britney (even though I analyzed her outfit and literally copied every piece precisely) and just told them I was Madonna, which despite that reference being from the eighties, everyone got. Side note: are those the worst shoes ever made? Thank you, Payless. You're always there for a girl on a Halloween budget. 


Finally, we're getting somewhere with the timeliness of these costumes. This was right after Dukes of Hazzard came out and Jessica Simpson was all skinny and gorgeous and wearing non-mom jeans. I got those cowboy boots for my birthday and worked them into every outfit I could, despite the fact that I am quite possibly the least country girl you will ever meet. Also I was real proud of myself for figuring out how to apply fake eyelashes without assistance. 


Okay this one isn't one of my best, as exhibited by my "eh?" pose in this picture. In my defense, I had not planned a Halloween costume that year, and I was in St. Louis with my fellow Clockers for a journalism conference. We decided last minute to hit up the hotel bar for some karaoke. Those are my pajamas/work out clothes. Minus the work out part. Wait, no- I actually did buy this outfit to play intramural floor hockey in. Betcha didn't see that one coming, huh?!


RIP, Amy Winehouse. This is one of my favorite costumes ever. For some reason I loved wearing that tattoo shirt. I think I loved this one so much because this is what Halloween is all about- being someone other than yourself. This is definitely the anti-Lindsay in every sense. I even blacked out one of my teeth. It was serious.


Not sure how I managed two costumes that year, but I'm guessing this one was an afterthought, because I know for a fact I was wearing all pieces I already owned. Shocker. 


Another repeat! I'm mildly horrified as repeating outfits is one of my personal pet peeves. In my defense, I know that was the first real week of my job and this party was actually a week after Halloween, so only half the people in attendance were in costume anyway. But look! A couple costume! My dream finally came true. 


Oh, the irony. The same year I get engaged I also dressed as a "Single Lady." However I did hear later that I was kind of a bitch about it, constantly reminding everyone that I was engaged and he did in fact "put a ring on it." Regardless, this was another good one because it required so few pieces- I mean, who doesn't already own a leotard, oversized costume earrings and a Bump It? 


I mean, seriously, is this one of the greatest couples costumes ever or what? Okay, so I'm not exactly impartial. But I was so excited that I got Steve to agree to this, and I was super proud of him for making his own costume. I had no idea what he was going to wear, and when I left for work that day I just begged him to have something. By the time I got home he had found an American Eagle shirt at the Salvation Army and made a varsity jacket out of this stick on shiny material and a $3 crew neck sweatshirt. We even carved a Glee logo into our pumpkin that year. Too bad this costume only saw the bar at TGI Friday's. 

And since then? Nothing. As previously stated, the Great Halloween Snowstorm of 2011 squashed any plans for last year, and so far I have done exactly this much celebrating: 

amok amok amok.

I have resolved for next year to actually do something awesome for Halloween. That gives me plenty of time to come up with my costume. 

So I will leave you with this. A picture from my very first Halloween. Steve once saw this picture at my house and tried to indite my parents for child endangerment. I say that this means that your parents love you extra because they wanted to make your first Halloween so special. Or according to my mother, "when you have your first child you just think that there are certain things you're supposed to do."

Happy Halloween kiddos. Try to stay safer than this. 


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Don't It Make You Mad About It

I wasn't going to talk about this. 

But then this came out today:


So clearly, there are some things we need to discuss. 

Let's just put it right out there- this has got to be the worst celebrity wedding magazine cover photo of all time.

There. I SAID IT. 

To be fair, I may be slightly biased, because I sort of already hated them to begin with. 

Okay, that sounds bad. Hate is bad. I don't know them or anything. Plus hatred implies that I feel that strongly towards them. I don't. Personally, I have always found them separately irritating and now super boring as a couple. I was never an N*Sync fan and I couldn't tell you one movie of hers that I have ever liked.

So when I found out these two were getting married this past weekend in Italy, I could have cared less. I mean sure, I devoted the appropriate amount of attention (a singular Facebook status) out of respect for the sanctimony that is a celebrity union, but it's not like I was holding my breath waiting for these pics or anything. And given the private (cough cough boring) nature of their courtship and engagement, I certainly never thought we'd see a Kardashian-sized spread in People of all places. 

But enough about them. Can we please talk about this photo?

I'm having trouble gathering my thoughts about everything that is wrong with it. I think a formal list is in order:

1. The biggest elephant in the room. Or should I say bird. Or pterodactyl. What the eff is he doing? Here she is, on her wedding day, just lounging on the ground (?!?!?!) in her best Giambattista Valli, getting her bridal portrait done, and BAM! Girl looks like she's seconds away from getting her train squashed by the D*ck In a Box guy. In fact when I first saw this picture I thought it was an outtake from a Lonely Island video. 


2. She looks like a cross between a doll and a robot. He looks like he's at a frat party. I find it hard to believe these two were at the same event, let alone agreeing to spend their foreseeable future as husband and wife. I'm all for fun wedding photos, but in order for this to work, both people need to be having the fun. 

3. Dude, you're wrinkling your Tom Ford tux. TOM FORD. Show some manners. 

4. You can't tell me that these two aren't big enough that they couldn't have forced People to hold off on the Sandusky victim for another week. Because nothing screams "I do" like a big fat expose on one of the grossest perverts of all time. And it's right next to her face. It's like a horribly placed thought bubble. 

5. I'm sorry, but is anyone else dying over the Britney photo in the corner? Don't get me wrong- based on my previous opinions, I am actually sort of loving this. But if you were the new Mrs. Justin Timberlake, wouldn't you just die? That would be the only thing I would see. Again, like there was no other spot for a Britney photo other than on eye level with JT. These two are the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston of the pop music world. I mean, Brad Pitt has six children with another woman and Jen is engaged and still, no one can just let it go. And most of us will never get over these two either. I hope someone wakes Brit Brit up long enough for her to comprehend what has happened here and laugh. Even she's like, "y'all, what am I doing here?"


6. You're telling me that the chick with the man voice from Total Recall, The A Team, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Blade 17 or whatever wanted to wear bubblegum pink on her wedding day? No wonder she looks so out of place. Also, why are people still trying to make colored wedding dresses happen? We all know that there's really only one person that can get away with this look.



Monday, October 22, 2012

MMM: Maine Edition

First of all, thank you to everyone who has asked about the absence of Mall Madness Monday posts. All two of you really made me feel special that you felt there was a void in your life by missing out on pictures of things that I don't need/can't afford.

For those of you that have no idea what is about to happen, prepare yourselves. 

I decided to do a special edition of MMM this week in honor of Steve and my little getaway Maine trip. If you are dying to know about all the exciting things we discovered in towns like Brunswick and Bath (and let's face it, that is at the top of your priority list) you can visit this post, and then this one too.

We actually spent quite a bit of time shopping on this trip. Now before you get all excited for me, know that it wasn't exactly my kind of shopping. I mean there wasn't a Forever 21 in sight. Ironically, when I finally convinced Steve to take me to the J. Crew outlet, he was the one that came out with a purchase. What a jerk. 

Here are some things I found particularly intriguing on this trip. Keep in mind that they're all pretty much from LL Bean or a crazy antique mall.

deconstructed signs are totally in right now. steve hates when i
say stuff like that, but he really can't get mad at me because i
learned it from all of his pawn picker antiques roadshow programs.

i may have mentioned that i'm obsessed with vintage typewriters.
also pillows.

this game is exactly what it sounds like. it's just a series of cards
with facts about different authors & kids have to guess who it is.
how this enthralling game has ended up on the bottom shelf in
an antique mall blows my mind. i mean there is just so much fun
to be had. 

this is the one thing i actually like about antique stores: vintage
postcards. they had a bajillion of them here, all divided by states
& themes & such. somehow i spent $38 on postcards. it's an addiction.

ugh. i died a little over this one. ll bean suede riding boots, at the
outlet, on clearance. and yet, i couldn't convince steve to let me buy
them. it may have had something to do with the fact that i was
wearing black boots at the time, so he didn't see the necessity. oh,
also i had packed two other pairs as well. note to self- no one will
ever buy you new boots if they had to help you pack three pairs for a
three day trip. 

steve & i are nowhere near home ownership, but we decided that
when we are, we need lamps like this for our front door. except
we both agreed that $395 is a little pricey for a single lamp.
point, marriage.

i'm not sure what occasion a boot card is appropriate for, but i find
these adorable none the less.

i want all the vintage jewels. all of them. 

no, this is not an antique. these are dice stools (or end tables?) from
the ll bean home store. obviously i need this to match my S&P shakers.

So what items did I actually cross the border with? Besides an exorbitant amount of vintage postcards, I also picked up an "L" necklace made from an old typewriter key (see? Again with the typewriters). Oh, and I may have accidentally purchased a $40 lobster charm. I'm definitely going to be paying for that one for a long time. Steve has mentioned it to me at least once a day since we've been home, and that was a week ago. 


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Some Folks Like to Get Away Pt. 2

When we last left our heroine, Lindsay was barely still standing after a rousing three hour tour of the Maine Maritime Museum. After starting to show sign of extreme hangriness (for those that aren't medical professionals, being "hangry" is an affliction caused by hunger that leads to anger), Steve finally recognized that she needed nourishment and human interaction. 

Ugh, my apologies for all the third person narrative. Even I can't pretend I'm okay with that. 

We set off for one of the "Maine" attractions (GET IT?!) on our getaway:

cue the hallelujah chorus. for steve anyway.

I would just like to say despite the fact that I am not very outdoorsy, I actually like going to the Freeport L.L. Bean. It's really amazing. It's basically the Disney of the outdoors world... you know, besides actually being outdoors. 

Of course, I had to dress appropriately. That calls for flannel.

But like the museum, whatever slight interest I have is by no means any comparison to what Steve feels for it down in the depths of his soul. I mean, just imagine if you finally felt like you returned home:

is that not the face of man overwhelmed by sheer happiness?

I was actually really excited, because like the Girl Scouts and Fenway Park, the Bean is also celebrating it's 100th anniversary this year. They had tons of cute celebratory things. 

wait, they sell food here too?

tiny boots

Steve had also been waiting to finally see the Signature collection in person. And let's just say, he was pretty excited.

money can buy happiness. for $250.

They even turned a section into a kind of pop up museum. Obviously this is where we spent a large portion of our time. 


Despite the fact this store is open twenty four hours a day, we were not there long enough for Steve to actually decide what he was going to purchase. I can see how that would be difficult when you have to choose between forty pairs of boots with the slightest variations. Which meant...

We were coming back the next day. 

this is the closest to us getting a picture together this whole time.

We checked out of our hotel and headed straight to The Wild Oats Bakery for lunch, because we were so overwhelmed by the amount of food options the day before that we knew we had to return. We still had trouble deciding... so we just got everything.

you haven't really lived if you've never had a grilled goat cheese sandwich.

I had learned from the previous days that I needed to load up on carbs whenever I had the opportunity, because day trips with Steve sometimes means five hours without a solid meal. 

Before making our last Bean stop, we had a slight detour. That somehow involved the biggest indoor flea market I had ever seen. 

Okay, I guess it's called "antiquing." Or as I know it "finding dirty old things that make me sneeze."

I'm half kidding. I actually found some cool things. But everything was so dusty and I couldn't breathe and again, we were there for a solid three hours. But more on that tomorrow. 

Back to the Bean. After much deliberation, Steve finally picked out his perfect pair of boots:

all mine, baby.

These aren't just any boots, though. These are the 100th Anniversary special edition Bean boot. You know they're special because they have red soles. You know, just like Louboutins. 

It was love at first sight.

is this love that i'm feeling...

And me? I met this bird. We developed a very special bond.

Just kidding. It was a good time. But I really did take like twenty pictures of that bird. 


Friday, October 19, 2012

Some Folks Like to Get Away

Remember a few weeks back how I said that Steve and I don't have regular schedules, therefore rarely spend time together other than having dinner at 10:00 pm? We agreed it was high time to fix that and decided to go away for a weekend. Which for us, meant Sunday-Tuesday. 

We decided to get away for a few days somewhere cheap (thank you, Groupon, for allowing poor folk everywhere to get hotel rooms and go out to dinner for pennies while making us feel fancy), close (because it doesn't matter how inexpensive the room is if you can't afford the gas to get there) and with the perfect mix of activities (for him, obviously) and relaxation (for this girl right here). 

So of course, we went to Maine! 

Now Steve and I have very different ideas of what a Maine getaway should be. I grew up going to Old Orchard and York Beach, so I have an affinity for boardwalks, day trips to outlet malls, and as my mother calls it, "honkey tonk."

Steve prefers places that claim to be part of "America" but are really moonlighting as Canada. 

So we met in the middle/wherever Groupon would guide us. Which was Brunswick. 

We arrived first at the lovely Captain Daniel Stone Inn. You're going to have to take my word for it, because I didn't take a single picture of the hotel room, because the second I opened my suitcase it exploded and the room looked like a disaster until 10:59 Tuesday morning. I did appreciate the fact that they were rocking it old school giving us an actual key. When was the last time you even saw one of these at a hotel?!

Later, we called my friend Amy and basically invited ourselves over for dinner, which she and her husband were totally fine with because we hadn't seen them since their wedding last October. You may remember their nuptials because it inspired the only episode I've ever suffered of a fear related exercise routine in order to fit into a certain bridesmaid dress for their wedding. 

The next day, we embarked on our Maine adventure. It began in what I guess you would call the "downtown" area of Brunswick where we discovered our new obsession: The Wild Oats Bakery. In case you were wondering, myfitnesspal was not invited on this vacation. Because everywhere we looked, we saw this:

And this:

Also, this:

I was in a food coma and I hadn't even eaten anything yet. We quickly decided that we would enjoy breakfast that day, come back for lunch tomorrow and also get desserts for the ride home. Hello, vacation.

I settled on a cinnamon bun the size of my head. I also fed my brain with some classic 80's Trivial Pursuit that they provided on every table.  

From there we continued on to... Bath. Yes, this is an actual town. Actually, it reminds me more of a village. I can tell the difference, as I went to college in a village for a year and a half (shoutout, Cazenovia!). Remember Stars Hollow, the beloved fake town that provided the perfect setting for a plethora of mother/daughter shenanigans on Gilmore Girls? It was like but without all the teen mothers. At least I assume so. It was cold and rainy, so Main Street wasn't exactly teeming with locals. It was cute though, so I took advantage of all the quaint photo ops. 

Bath is known for making boats and iron working. So of course they had their very own Maine Maritime Museum. At first, I was totally gung-ho for this because believe it or not, I actually do like history. Not like, Steve's level of history, but it was one of my favorite subjects in high school. Plus, I could only imagine the sheer amount of nautical artifacts. 

This may have been a mistake. Steve warned me that he couldn't just go into a museum like a normal person. I already knew this, but I figured it couldn't hurt to throw a little culture into this trip. 

Three hours, one hundred and twenty eight pictures and one very grumbly stomach later, we finally left. There were some things that were really cool. You know, if you like fish and boats and stuff.

if only.

signed by two presidents. fo real.

that thing on the right is from the front of an actual boat. also it probably has a real name.

steve said he wants this above our bed. like i can handle that after the ship wheel.

But there was also a lot of reading. And wandering. I tried really hard be a historically supportive wife. I tried for every store I've ever dragged him to, for every Reese Witherspoon movie I made him take me to see in the theater. But after a while I sort of gave up on the exhibits and just started taking pictures of nautical elements that could someday be framed to compliment a certain couple's bedroom. Or something. 

While part of me died and went to nautical heaven, Steve was the one who was really in all his glory. 

But his excitement didn't end there. Up next- our excursion to the motherland:

L.L. Bean.

Stay tuned! I may have even donned some flannel for the occasion.