Thursday, April 26, 2012

He Likes the Girl on Reality TV Cause She Got More Ass Than the Models

There's a lot of surprising new celebrity couples hitting the interwebs lately. From Jason Segel and Michele Williams, to Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher (okay, I know they obviously have known each other a long time, but don't you think she's WAY too good for him?!), odd celeb pairings are the hottest things since... well, the celebrities themselves. And of course the most talked about/easiest to make fun of has to be the long awaited romance of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.

that look of terror is her "i'm in love" face. duh.

For anyone that has been following the Kardashians for some time now, you know that these two have known each other for a while. With absolutely no credentials whatsoever, Kanye made an appearance on the painfully boring Kourtney & Kim Take New York when they were first building their second Dash location to check out their space, which as the time was comprised of flooring and a couple of ridiculous lighting fixtures. Cause you know, he's not just a rapper, he's an artist

Then Kim like, accidentally got married. And we all know how that turned out

But don't worry guys, she's like, totally getting divorced now. And apparently is still looking for love, and seems to have found it in the form of Kanye West. 

Now I'm not entirely convinced that this is based on anything real and that Kim isn't just screwing her way through a list of guys names that start with the letter "K," but so far she's been pretty hush hush about it, which could be a sign that she actually likes him.

I know a lot of people are disgusted by the thought of these two joining forces, but I would like to personally congratulate them on their budding relationship. I think after long string of bad PR, these kids finally have it all figured out. Which is why I have put together this list of:

Reasons why Kanye & Kim K are the PERFECT couple:

1. They are both assholes. Seriously. These two just freaking love themselves to death, and could barely give two craps about other people's feelings or emotions. I mean, really, who has time for that? She has an empire to run, and those award show people aren't going to insult themselves. You know how sometimes you meet a couple, and one of them is a total douche and the other is so heartbreakingly nice that you just wish they weren't together? That will never happen to these two. He thinks everything he touches turns to gold (or at least deserves gold... statues that is) and she doesn't understand why anyone would let someone that they marry move a few boxes into their pristine house. If they got married, they could build one giant all white ginormous house, big enough to house his ego and her ass. If that isn't a couple's dream, I don't know what is. 
2. Kanye clearly has a type
3. It seems as if all 54 1/2 members of the Kardashian Klan (the 1/2 being Kourtney's unborn fetus) actually approve of their relationship, unlike their not so subtle hatred for Kris Humphries. Seriously. Khloe was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen the other day and when asked to say something nice about Kris all she could muster up was "he's tall."
4. He thinks she is as awesome as Beyonce is. Really. Nevermind that Bey has 16 Grammys and actual talent to back them up. Kim hocks QuickTrim and has what is probably the 4th best selling celebrity sex tape of all time. So clearly, yes, same level as Beyonce. But he's trying not to rub it in. I mean, we all know what happens when people get compared to Beyonce. 
5. They are both fame whores (and also, regular whores). All of Kim's former lovers have expressed their utter hatred for being in the public eye, having cameras follow their every move, and what-can-only-be-orchestrated-by-Kris Jenner public photo ops. Kanye literally runs on attention and Hennessey. I personally love how they're trying to hold back right now- you see them holding hands in NYC and they're playing so coy like they're shy teenagers that are clasping each other's sweaty palms for the first time. We all know this ain't your first rodeo. 

So really, I hope everything works out for these two. They deserve each other.

Also, could you imagine their wedding?! Talk about Bridezilla. Kim would probably be a little on edge too.


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