Saturday, April 7, 2012

What I Like About Booze

Former child/teen star Amanda Bynes was arrested in the wee hours yesterday morning on suspicion of a DUI (you know, just another crazy Thursday night in Hollywood).

Let me just say that this makes me really sad. Not just because I thought she was funny and genuinely liked some of her movies, but because her mug shot is SO BAD it may go down as one of the worst in the celebrity mug shot hall of fame:

sad doll

I mean, even Paris Hilton knew that celeb mug shots go viral almost immediately and had enough sense to pull her hair over one shoulder and give her signature smirk:

i just got arrested. but i'm still hot

I think many people were surprised to hear of Amanda's little kerfuffle with the law as she has been off the radar for quite some time, probably since she announced her "retirement" from acting at the ripe old age of 24. I mean, I've heard about wealthy people who save money so they can like, buy a vineyard or something when they retire, so can you really blame a girl for enjoying her non-working years?

Apparently, Amanda has chose to retire to the Capitol, as she is currently sporting a frothy pink dye job only seen on the likes of a one Miss Effie Trinket. And the makeup. Oh, the makeup. I've always though that she wore a little too much makeup the past few years, and if you've seen her post-Hairspray there were some points where she was starting to turn a particular Snooki shade of orange. I know she's probably used to having a makeup artist, but hasn't anyone ever informed her about the importance of blending?! It's like she painted on her foundation and her neck was like "hey, what about me?! Hellooooo...? I'm down here!"

I sort of feel bad for her. Not because she got in a car after consuming mass amounts of alcohol because clearly that is just plain stupid and more than her reputation could have been damaged because of it, but because she just seems like kind of a hot mess. I mean, my face hasn't been that puffy since I got my four impacted wisdom teeth removed. Also, she celebrated her 26 birthday on Tuesday, and if this is how she looks at 26, then there may be some competition with Lindsay Lohan as "Worst Aging Celebrity" ever.

Girl, get it together. You're at a crossroads in your life. Take it from me- 26 is kind of transitional, and it's your last year before 27 which to me has always been the age where if you haven't already, it's time to get your shit straight. You're clearly smart and funny, which can take you far when you're surrounded by a world full of famous people with the personality (and IQ) of a tin can (I'm looking at you, Kardashians). Maybe just disappear again for a little bit, drink about a thousand gallons of water and invest in some of those face-blotting tissues they sell at CVS. Trust me, you won't regret it.

come back to us, hot amanda. we know you're in there somewhere


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