Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Teenage Nightmare Part II... Now Baby, I Believe!

I know what some of you are thinking. "Lindsay, you started a blog over a year ago and wrote a total of three entries. You all of a sudden decided to post again, and you did it about a crappy MTV reality show that is ruining our society. Not only did you blog about said show, but you half blogged as you didn't even discuss 3 of the 4 personalities. Now you're probably going take off once again and leave us hanging about your true feelings about Maci, Catelynn and Amber, and how will we ever go on?"

I cannot disagree with that scenario being a possibility. Given my inconsistent history with this blog, I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking any of these things. All I can say is that this time, I'm going to be better. It is so much harder to write than I remember when you don't have a deadline looming over your head. So please, stick with me. It's going to be a little rough at first, after all, it is summer, which is not television's forte. But we're going to get through this, and come fall (and award show season- weeeee!) we will practically be besties.

So back to the Moms. I've always thought of Maci as the fan favorite (and unfortunately so do these people), not only because she smartened up and finally broke off what was obviously a terrible relationship, but because baby Bentley is just so damn cute! Despite falling for a tool and getting knocked up before she got her driver's license, Maci seems to have come out a better person in the end- she works, goes to school and raises her child, which most of the other girls that we've seen come and go through this series can barely seem to do one of those things. However Maci can't get all the credit, as she seems to be the only cast member that has the emotional (and obviously financial- how else could she afford her pimped out Celica and all those tattoos?!) support of both her parents, as does baby daddy Ryan, although he appears to be much more of a freeloader (on unemployment for a year at age 19?).

Any of us that watch Teen Mom most likely read US Weekly as well (sorry to typecast there, but let's be real), where we discovered that despite Maci and her boyfriend Kyle's breakup at the end of Season 2, they are now back together and like, stronger than ever! So now that Kyle is back in the picture, will he and Ryan ever actually meet?

It doesn't seem like Ryan and Kyle will be racing ATV's (or whatever the hell Ryan does all day) anytime soon, as Maci's Season 3 story began with yet another pass off of Bentley to Ryan for his allotted visitation (point for Maci- one of the only girls that has actually figured out a custody agreement!). As they exchanged uncomfortable small talk, Ryan let Maci know that he actually had a very serious question to ask her that he had to know the answer too. Not important enough to ask the question aloud, mind you. So what is Maci's tactic to solve this conundrum? While sitting in front of him in his garage, she tells Ryan to text the question to her (minus 3 points for Maci).

As if witnessing this exchange between these two former lovebirds wasn't awkward enough, MTV finally exposed the elephant in the room when they zoomed in on Ryan's text on Maci's phone. "Is Kyle slow?"

A moment of honesty: there has been more than one occasion in which I have asked the same question of doofy Kyle. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a sweet guy, but I never felt that there was a very bright light in the attic up there. I always chocked it up to the fact that he was sort of big and bumbly and Southern.

Regardless of whether or not Ryan and his friends were mocking Kyle in privacy for his presumed disabilities, it's not like Ryan is a Rhodes scholar himself. At least Kyle actually made it to college!

Maci acted like she was horribly offended by what Ryan was insinuating, but I have to think that this wasn't the first time that Maci has ever been asked that, at least to her face. I mean, I was raised right, so I speculate behind people's backs. Of course, Maci dealt with this the best way she knew how- by forwarding the text to Kyle just in case the knife needed to be twisted a little more (because let's face it- he would have eventually seen it on TV). Minus 2 points, Maci. Kyle is practically Bentley's stepfather already, and if she ever wants her boyfriend and baby daddy to meet, maybe it wasn't the best idea for her to share Ryan's little ponderings with him.

My absolute favorite part of Maci's appearance in this episode was courtesy of the Voice of Reason, Keelie, who despite her stupidly spelled name actually contributed the most insightful perspective I think I've ever seen on this series. As the girls did lunch (ahem, money, anyone?! Single Teen Moms aren't supposed to be able to afford lunch at adorable Southern cafes everyday!) and Maci pecked away at her caesar salad (have you ever seen this girl eat like an actual sandwich?), she exhaled slowly and exclaimed, "why is my life so hard?" Without missing so much as a beat, Keelie fired back, "because you had unprotected sex!" 100 points for Keelie, although if she makes any more appearances on TM I will be petitioning for a name change to help validate her role as the brains behind this whole operation.

To make matters worse for Maci, who in comparison to Ryan normally comes out smelling like a rose, the child support that she assumed Ryan wasn't paying turned out to be nothing more than a technical glitch from the bank. You could just tell the satisfaction she got out of calling the child support people and hearing that if she reported him, he could possibly go to jail. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

To be honest, I'm still rooting for Maci and slow Kyle, as long as she keeps it real and puts Bentley first, which seems really difficult when you have to pay for hair bleaching and acrylic nails. Seriously, have you ever noticed how much the girls on these shows have iPhones, fake nails and tattoos? I have one of those three things (I'll give you wild guess as to which one) and let me tell you, it ain't cheap. So I have a really hard time listening to Maci complain about her child support when her turquoise contacts and ear gauges are staring back at me. Be careful, Maci. Don't let your story be another cautionary tale- girl meets boy, girl falls in love, girl let's boy impregnate her in the back of a pickup truck after the homecoming dance, boy is forced to propose to girl, girl discovers boy is a deadbeat, girl gets reality show, boy acts like a moron, girl meets new boy, girl falls in love all over again, girl is on covers of tabloid rags, girl gets moderately famous, girls hangs out with Snooki and Co... you get where this is going.

Whew! Another one in the bag. But we still have 2 Moms to go! No rest for the weary I guess. I promise that future recaps will not be so long, that is, unless Amber starts punching people again.

Let's meet again tomorrow, shall we?


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