Monday, January 30, 2012

I Found A Dream That I Could Leak To

omg omg omg.

There are so many other more pressing things to write about right now. But I just came across this beauty on Us Weekly and I couldn't resist.

I read about this story a few days ago online. Etta James finally passed away, which prompted many self absorbed songstresses to wax poetic about how much she inspired them, how she paved the way for them, blah blah blah. I am certainly not doubting James' contribution to the music industry, what I am doubting is attention whores like Christina and Beyonce who claim that she did so much for them and then make spectacles of themselves while singing her songs. Remember when Beyonce sang "At Last" while the Obama's shared a dance at the Inauguration party? My favorite part about that whole story is how pissed James' was that Beyonce was chosen to sing her song while she was STILL ALIVE.

Unfortunately, now that she has passed, no one will be able to stop the likes of X-tina and Blue Ivy's mom from screeching out her classics for the next 50 years. Well it's already begun, as Christina Aguilera performed her most popular song in front of hundreds at a memorial service for James in L.A. Like I said, I read about this a few days ago on my EW app, so the article and picture were teeny tiny. So imagine my surprise when I signed on to for my after-work celeb night cap, and I see this:

stay cool. nobody's looking down there anyway

For a good five minutes I was just staring at this picture in disbelief that she felt that this was the most appropriate ensemble to wear to a funeral. Nothing says "I'm so sorry for your loss" like forgetting your blouse. I have to say though, I think the rosary beads smushed between her suffocating bosoms really class up the whole look.

It wasn't until I read the accompanying article that I realized that something else was going on in this photo. If you look closely at her lower half, there is something happening down there that isn't quite right. It appears that some sort of brownish liquid is literally running down her legs. But Christina is a professional, and instead of excusing herself and politely scrubbing her legs clean with scratchy church restroom paper towels, she just kept on belting out like nothing was happening.

So what is this mysterious oozing substance? "Insiders" are claiming she was nervous and sweaty, therefore streaking her spray tan. Either that, or she lost track of her cycle and unexpectedly was paid a visit by her Aunt Flo.

Luckily for Christina (and us), her next gig requires her to do nothing but push a button in a giant chair, which gives her almost no way to embarrass herself. But I'm sure she'll find a way. After all she's a Figh-teerrrrr!

i'm not fat. it just made my skin a little bit thicker

1 comment:

  1. whoahhhhhhhhh what is going on down there!!!!? you are so right. that looks like a personal female problem....